"This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man."
--From Hamlet by William Shakespeare
My life is rewarding on a daily basis, not only in terms of making money in my art, but also spiritually in terms of the joy of living my purpose and doing what I'm best suited for in this world.
But it wasn't always that way.
Ten years ago, I didn't know what my next step was gonna be. At the time, I was living in complete misery, having chosen to go to a college I didn't want to be at on the other side of the country for reasons that had nothing to do with what I really wanted. I was worn-out by school studies that, while enriching, were endlessly challenging at best and soul-numbingly exhausting at worst. I essentially had no fulfilling social life, although I interacted with a lot of people. This was because I had anxiety issues and all kinds of crazy worries that made it harder for me to be with people while experiencing any real confidence or enjoyment. I was in my head all the time and did not talk to anybody else about what was really going on for me, so I had a distorted perspective on life and on myself. To be perfectly honest, my level of unhappiness was so extreme that I know why people commit suicide. If I didn't believe I was put on Earth for more than just suffering through life, perhaps I would have.
Eventually, this charade got unbearable, and finally, in the Spring of 2000, I dropped out of school in the East Coast, where I was going at the time, and returned back to the Bay to regroup and, honestly, to recuperate. I had experienced my own personal rock bottom, and though I was intensely depressed and found it hard to enjoy anything at all on a daily basis, I was determined to make things better. The following year, I applied to and got accepted at University of California, Berkeley, where I enrolled in the fall of 2001. Two years later, I graduated from UC Berkeley with honors and a music degree.
Fast forward to now. My life this week alone reflects a completely transformed reality from what it was ten years ago: I have rehearsed with a classically trained singer for an all-classical recital we have next week; performed my own style of hip hop piano music for a public audience; created and performed an original play for a family get together; attended a video release party for a R&B song that is currently on the radio; and performed piano shows at two different Alzheimer's/dementia care centers, one health care center, and one retirement home.
And by now, this is nothing new! Doing awesome things is just my life. I've written original scenes for a teen opera program, and watched my idea fully realized on stage with a full cast two years in a row. I've co-produced a hip hop track that featured an artist who worked with Tupac. I've been to Canada for a songwriting retreat and Los Angeles to see the Grammys. I've received music business mentoring with an music industry expert who worked with the likes of Madonna and George Winston. Recently I've begun working with an image consultant who was once Beyonce to Usher's agent. I worked for nearly two years with an opera singer who personally worked with Aaron Copland and who performed at opera houses in Europe for decades. And in the past year, I've performed nearly one hundred and fifty piano shows for the elderly.
These experiences have demonstrated to me that fulfillment doesn't happen by accident. It comes from choosing what is true. It comes from connecting with what is real inside of you and honoring that always. And although, sometimes it takes going in the complete opposite direction to realize what is not working, once you do find your truth and life from that place, life makes a whole lot more sense, and it becomes a lot more fun.
I know because I've been there.
Best,
Chris
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