Have a Little Faith In Yourself

(Originally written 6/10/10)

I admit it, there have been times when my confidence has been tested. As fun as it is to take on a new endeavor like I have with this whole CWiggz! adventure, it's not always easy. Sometimes, things happen that make me look in the mirror and see just how much I really believe in myself. These are the times when the cosmic voice from within seems to be asking me, "What are you really made of, sonny?"

A couple of years ago I lost a working relationship with someone who had been very important to me. Prior to an ugly incident that resulted in him cutting off contact with me, I prided myself on having this man's trust, and was really counting on that relationship to help me in my career. But unfortunately, life said otherwise, and all of a sudden I could no longer work with this person. Despite the enormous pain this situation caused for me, I made a determination then and there that I was going to be bigger than it, that I was going to rise above it and triumph. Over these last couple of years I have consciously moved forward DESPITE the deep frustration of this experience, and it has taught me that no matter what happens, I always have the choice to keep going.

Situations like that will come up, and each time it takes determination to move past it. Just a few days ago I had an encounter with someone who said some mean things about me via e-mail. And for a moment there, I was confronted with this doubting voice in my head that said, "Maybe he's right. Maybe I am no good." But it didn't take me very long to realize that thinking like that was a path leading to nowhere, and that I'm not willing to settle for going down the road of self doubt. So I quickly turned it around the best I could by standing my ground. Now I look at an incident like this as a test yet again to see if I really have the confidence it takes to succeed.

And now, as I prepare to release my album, I am facing possibly the hardest test of my self confidence I have so far had to face. I am getting ready to let the entire world see this creation of mine that I have worked day after day on, week after week on, year after year on (!). I am literally giving my creation up to the opinion of the world. Is that scary? Definitely. Does that require me to face every little demonic voice that is talking to me negatively? Absolutely. Am I planning to let this stop me? No fricking way!

Because I know that this is just part of the adventure. I knew this when I signed up for it, back in 2004 when I first decided to do this album, back when it took me literally six months to get over the fear and embarrassment I felt over even having the idea of rapping. I knew this, even when it took me nearly four years of performing at open mics before I could let my guard down enough to listen to what other people had to say. Even when I was so susceptible to my own fear of criticism that I had to shut out people for awhile, even when I thought I had to get on stage with the mindset of a railroad (I'm gonna ram my stuff through, and ain't no one gonna stop me!), even then I knew that facing and conquering my own negativity was part of this game, a rite of passage I would have to go through. And now I believe I have created a foundation of confidence that will get me through life's challenges, because it is always within my power to continue having faith in myself.


Thanks for reading. I hope this posting makes a difference for you the next time something in life happens to challenge your self confidence. Because, believe me, it will happen.

Have a little faith in yourself.

Best,

CWiggz!